S26 Captain Scout Sheet

Forrest Ashmore
4 min readMay 6, 2022

Plenty of content out there telling these captains who not to pick, it’s time for you all to find out which captains are worth tanking a ban for. Based on the current captain list and available money, which is probably going to change before Sunday.

Incidentally, this content also doubles as a way for me to tell a bunch of captains to get fucked and not bid on me without personally DMing them, which would be against the rules. Headmin moment.

TheMantis

Not in as favorable of a situation now that I told the div admins to stop being fucking brainlets and letting him be on the draft sheet at 2k. Mantis is not 2k, I don’t care how many pubs he played to get down there. He’s got the mechanics of a 4k player, the brains of a 2k player, and the drafting ability of Truckwaffle.

Verdict: Bid on me and the adjustment’s gonna be even higher next season.

Cerys

So there’s this thing about Cerys’ Jakiro where if she starts casting ice path and it isn’t gonna land, she immediately panics, cancels the command, and tries to throw another ice path even further off target. I’m not really sure what the auction draft equivalent of that is, but 1. It’s inevitable and 2. It will be hilarious.

Verdict: You can’t afford to spend any money on me, don’t even think about it.

Amane

Amane was obviously value for his MMR last season, and I think he’ll keep moving up in the world. I think low captains with a lot of money have a lot of potential in auction draft (assuming they aren’t bricks), since they have the most money, which means flexibility.

Verdict: Oh no, he’s hot.

Mooshack

This guy is having some moderately unhinged moments in general chat over the captain’s starting money. People need to stop fuckin complaining, you aren’t gonna have a bad draft because the admins took 20 bucks away from you, you’re gonna have a bad draft when you bid like a chimpanzee.

Verdict: Possibly a chimpanzee.

Sharingan

People have said Sharingan is crazy value for years, usually leading him to be on some kinda mediocre teams. Man decided to take things into his own hands, which is respectable (but not recommended). Similar to Amane, should be in a fairly comfortable position going into the draft, since he can play multiple roles, has a good amount of money, and isn’t a brick.

Verdict: You could be on worse teams.

phattywhale

I know absolutely nothing about this guy and I don’t like people that I don’t know.

FTS

Not sure how much in-game shotcalling he’ll do, but there are usually plenty of mouthbreathers to fill that role (like me). I think this MMR range got a lot better for captains with auction, or at least more flexibility. With linear it always felt like you had to take the best player available, and your only options were a divine support with 2 games in the last month, an unknown core player with 8 slurs in his wordcloud, or Eli.

Verdict: Should be a solid team if he can secure a decent mid.

CRAP

I played a PDC game with CRAP a few weeks ago where we were having a rough go of it around 30 minutes into the game, and he just throws out “Don’t worry guys, I almost have my Radiance.”

He was Juggernaut.

We lost.

Verdict: Success may depend on how quickly the team mutinies and wrestles drafting control away from him.

Vuvuzela Virtuoso Hans Rudolph

ROFL

Verdict: Good luck.

Itachi

The king returns. His pubs are looking a bit rough, but he’s been playing a good amount of Dota, and being able to go into the draft without giving a fuck about a mid player is a nice advantage. He picked Huskar in a turbo game though, who the fuck does that?

Verdict: This guy is good.

MOCA

Boosted animal, lost me 120 MMR playing his best hero (well, Smack Morphling deserves a large chunk of the blame too). Still threatening to pick me, even though we both know the only hero I had any impact on last season was Pugna, and that’s already getting banned every game.

Verdict: Stupid ass.

Polo5885

I’ve still never gotten to play with Polo, maybe someday. His signup links to Steven’s Dotabuff. Dumb fuckin admins.

Verdict: Guaranteed playoff lock, I don’t even need to see his team.

Gronaldo44 / WAIFU / UltraGunner

Lumping these guys all together because they’ll all end up being fairly similar and I’m hungry and want food. On one hand, your captain is high 6k+ and will probably backpack your ass. On the other, your teammates are probably all like 3k at best, so they’ll need to backpack everyone’s collective asses and some backs just aren’t cut out for that.

Verdict: Tricky drafting situation, but very high potential. No matter how good the team is, there are definitely worse teams you could have ended up on.

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